A 28-year-old man from Singapore has expressed frustration over the ridicule he faced as an average student among his intellectually accomplished cousins, saying, “My family is embarrassed by my lack of achievements. What can I do to manage their expectations?”
The man shared that he was born and brought up in a high-performing Chinese household where careers such as law, medicine, finance and top corporate roles were considered imperative. He further said that many of his family members are working as CEOs, founders and senior executives, and that even his younger cousins hold prestigious jobs.
The Redditor, who graduated with a low GPA, managed to secure a job, but fate was not on his side. He lost his first job this year and has since struggled to find another one, adding more wounds.
He stated that a significant error he made at his previous job played a role in the company’s closure. The firm’s owner later spoke about the incident on podcasts — without mentioning him by name — which only intensified his sense of shame.
“Ever since I was fired, there has been a significant change in my parents’ attitude. For example, hardly speaking to me. Today, my parents finally snapped and canceled all the Christmas family gatherings we were supposed to attend,” the man shared.
“They started screaming at me, saying how I am a complete embarrassment to them and that they can’t bear to face my relatives. They then went on ranting about how my cousins of my age are already doctors or department heads of MNCs and buying their first home or car while I’m jobless, and whether I felt any shame and why I can’t be like them,” he continued.
The man said that the constant comparisons have always led to anxiety and depression, and that he now feels “hopeless”.
“I am embarrassed and have been living with anxiety and depression ever since I got fired, and even before that when I failed to graduate with distinction — something all my cousins and relatives did. (I tried my best in uni, no distractions and disciplined in my studies, but I still struggled.) But I never thought my lack of achievements meant that much to them, and this is the first time I have been told that they are embarrassed of me,” the OP wrote.
Distressed by his situation, the man sought advice on Reddit.
Here’s how social media users reacted:
“I don’t think your situation calls for solutions to manage your family’s high expectations. They are the ones failing you. You’re their child and instead of supporting you (the irony — they have the resources most people dream of), they shit on you and they compare you to others to make you feel worse. The worst part is they let your relatives shit on you too. Screw their expectations — they are TERRIBLE parents,” one user wrote.
“Ignore them and if you can’t, move out. Parents who truly love you would not find you an embarrassment, but would support you through this difficult time. Your parents sound incredibly toxic and unsupportive, which will only make it even harder for you to get out of this rut,” commented another.
